Still So Much to ShedI'm still getting some of his mail. I still have boxes of his books. There are still many connections I need to sever.
I have a plan for the books - I'm going to plastic wrap the boxes and drop them off at his work boat or in his truck when I see it out like I did this morning - parked at a random house where I assume he doesn't have K - she's left once again with a woman he's dating and living with while he stays out all night. I hope this girl loves her like I did and that she's OK. It's none of my business anymore how he parents but I worry about K just the same.
Some friends say I should just donate the books and burn his mail - but that doesn't seem very healing for me - or very nice. Tempting - don't get me wrong - but I won't do that. I don't really think it will make me a better or more whole person.
My name is still on two of his titles - truck and sailboat. I can't take my name off without him being at the DMV with me.
Turns out, there also are lots of small things left that feel huge.
There was the I.D. I wear on my running shoes that had his name and number on it as an emergency contact. I threw it away along with my worn-out running shoes while I was in Tennessee for Christmas.
On my desk was a silly trinket he made me from a set of green Mardi Gras beads when we first met. Threw it in the trash this morning. But do I keep the similar red one that K made for me and the tiny note she wrote one morning that just reads "Thanks."
I feel ridiculous sometimes - I'm way over him - but being rid of everything and unaffected by the relationship is a tough task. And being reminded how intricately connected we were because of all the baggage - big and small - begs so many questions about why and how and makes me want to close right up.
I'm going to try not to do that.